i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I am spending my child support on dildos
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
