Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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