On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
