i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
