Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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