I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
