do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
