she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
