I hate all girls vehemently.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
