my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
