it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
