If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
