Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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