we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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