one might say we're banned from that church
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
