I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
