I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
