you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
