guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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