So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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