im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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