Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
