I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
