I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
