tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
