I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
