the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
