We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
