Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
