Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
3 2 1 whiskey
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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