there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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