so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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