i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
