I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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