we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
