We're like a lot better than the average bears
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
