We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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