just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
