I'm lost and stupid without you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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