i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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