Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
