sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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