Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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