Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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