All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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