I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
