summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
