I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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