I cannot find my penis.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
