did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
