Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
